Archive | August 2015

Feeling Alive, and Also Not So Much

A few posts ago I mentioned that I was just beginning to feel that I’ve woken up from a long slumber. I’ve been writing alot, both this blog and also working on one of my books. I’ve also started using Duolingo again. Duolingo is a free program very similar to Rosetta Stone that uses pictures and repitition to teach you a language, in my case Spanish which I’ve been trying to learn for years.

I’ve for the most part stopped watching as much TV as I used to, although I’m still going to watch movies, I’ve been reading again, and I even started doing some exercise at home using Youtube on my smartTV. Last night I did some stretching exercises and today I did an upper body workout followed by a little beginner video on thai chi. So with all that going on I’m starting to feel like my brain is firing more (part of this also might have to do with the fact that I’ve spent less time at Lou’s Tavern, the local bar).

However with all of these good things it’s hard to stop some of the old thoughts from creeping in. But that may be my fault … the movie I chose to watch was Into the Wild. The movie took me three nights to watch as it’s very long. I have to say it was a pretty good attempt at capturing the awesome book and I really dug the music by eddie vedder of Pearl Jam.  The book I chose to read was “tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom (I plan on writing a review of this tomorrow night after I let it sink into my subconsious more). Both of these choices, coincidentally, have to do with death. I didn’t particularly think too much about it, except reading Morrie outside on the patio while smoking made me take pause, until I spoke to my dad tonight.

He mentioned that tomorrow would have been my mother and his anniversary, and that the next day, the day I leave for Lake Erie with the kids to meet Lonnie and Schutz and their families, would have been my mother’s birthday. As soon as my father started to utter the words I realized that, even though I’d been immersed in two separate topics about death, these two facts about my mother hadn’t occured to me. On normal days I think of my mom often, and once in a while, maybe once or twice a week, the feelings of loss threaten to completely overwhelm me and I have to push them deep down. But ever since my father mentioned their anniversary and her birthday tonight, I can’t seem to shake off the thoughts of my mother and how much I miss her.

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TITANs #2

patriotsIt’s 2:42am and Dom is crashed on the couch after going to Cornerstone to have a few beers and watch the pre-season Dallas game. Here’s a TITAN:

  1. The Patriots suck without Tom Brady at the helm
  2. Gross Pointe Blank is a much better movie than I remember and has a great soundtrack
  3. The kids come back tomorrow from vacation in Ocean Beach, MD
  4. Freedom of the Mind
  5. I need to pick a book and just start writing, even if it comes out in short story form
  6. I need more sleep
  7. I want to ride my bike this weekend but I’m so out of shape it’s really suffering to do it
  8. Research how to make money off of blogs
  9. Tomorrow i’d like to say i’m going to focus at work but i already know that isn’t a true statement
  10. Why did I eat that last slice of pizza when we got home i shouldn’t be having carbs after 6pm.

Not terribly exciting, but a TITAN nonetheless …

TITANs – #1

100-listI can’t seem to shut my brain off tonight so I’ll just put this down and then hit the sack. Recently my personal laptop died and before I went out and bought the Samsung Galaxy Tab S tablet I’m writing this on, I bought a nice old school journal and started scratching some thoughts down in that. One thing I started doing was what I call Titans, for “Things I’m Thinking About Now”. The list should be 10 items but could be 5 or even 20. This will be my first Titan for the blog:

  1. Why my brain is always going a thousand miles a minute
  2. What my kids did today on their vacation with Julie in Ocean City, MD
  3. Why I never watched a TED talk before tonight
  4. How I’m going to make more money quickly
  5. Losing Weight when I just want to eat all the time
  6. Taking the motorcyle safety course offered at Farleigh Dickenson University on route 4
  7. How different people on the right think than I do
  8. How long I have to stay at UBS when I can barely stand the job anymore
  9. How I’ll afford the vacation to Lake Erie next week
  10. How I’m going to make the 7:45 hour drive with the kids all by myself (Schutz and Lonnie have wives to switch driving with)

Long Time, No Posts

Apparently it’s been about 2 years since I’ve last posted on this site. A good part of the reason for that is that the past two years have probably been the worst in my life. I got divorced from the love of my life and lost my mother all in the same time period. In fact I moved into my own house (rented) in Hillsdale exactly two weeks after my mother’s funeral. Needless to say it’s been quite a journey and I’m just now starting to feel like I’ve woken up from a long slumber.

Part of what I’ve been doing lately is attempting to start to write again. I started about 4 different books, most of which have been running in my head for a long time, but haven’t made much progress on any of them except putting down a few pages, or in the instance of one just putting down an outline. I’ve been using Google Drive and even have one file called “Thoughts” where i’ve just been putting down anything I’m thinking about at that moment. Tonight i was about to open that file when it occured to me that I have this blog and that I should start using it again.

It’s pretty late (12:58am as I type this) and my mind is a bit exhausted tonight. I got home from work early and took a nice, long needed nap. When I woke up I decided to go out and get some food as I didn’t defrost anything and everything in my freezer i could could had carbs (pasta or rice) in it. I should mention that since my posts two years ago I put back all the weight on that I lost with Bessie. I’m currently trying to get back into that so I headed out to, of all places, KFC. Yes, fast food. But that’s not actually so bad … i got four small pieces of grilled chicken and no sides, with some water. So pretty good, right?

Here’s how my night went after eating, in list form:

  1. Classical Concert in the Park: Decided to go to the evil starbucks to sit outside and read up on Bernie Sanders. On the drive over i noticed that there was an event going on in the park by the train station. I parked and walked over to a nice classical music concert. I took in two songs and went over for an iced coffee at the evil empire.
  2. Bernie Sanders Research: Sat down outside and read up on Bernie as planned. I’m not really sure how I feel about Bernie or voting for him. I like most of what I can see of his policies, but does he have a shot to take the white house? Does Hillary have a shot? I’m going to keep an open mind about this for now.
  3. TED Talks: Came home and watched, for the first time, 3 TED talks:
    1. The first was about education and creativity
    2. The second was about finding and researching exoplanets
    3. The third was about surfing in remote, ice cold waters
  4. Free Online Education: Began researching free, online MBA programs. First I read about “University of the People” and on their website the founder had another TED talk (coincidental that I just watched my first 3 tonight and here was another one). So I watched that and it was very cool, but for now that “free” university only has undergrad courses. FYI, though free you still pay a $50 application fee and $100 / final exam so if you enrolled it would still cost $1000 / year. Not as expensive as brick and mortart institutions, but still not totally free. Anyway they don’t have masters programs and I didn’t find much else worth enrolling in.
  5. Economics 101: As I’m really interested in an MBA, I got on Youtube and found this pretty cool series of videos called CrashCourse where there’s something like 40 episodes on Economics. I watched the first two before realizing I was exhausted and needed to go to bed.

Anyway, that’s how I spent my night … at least it was fruitful and i didn’t spend all night watching TV. I hope that this is just the first of many more posts. Good Night!

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